Saturday, 31 December 2011

2011-2012

How has your 2011 been? Hopefully incredibly productive, reflective and full of laughter and love.

Upon recounting my year off the cuff last night, I realised that 2011 has, indeed, been a big year for me. For starters, there were changes in my household and my house is completely full now! Yes, that means the full sofa set is in and so is the piano; and my room is full to the brim and looking more and more like a cosy pen. The garden is buzzing with life as the fruit trees have been planted and the vegie patch organised. The rose garden is in full bloom and ye olde English lavender plant has been resuscitated with a lot of tender loving care.

Career-wise, I fell in love with my job and fell out of love with it. In the sense that I am now wanting more, more more. It's no longer challenging and I no longer feel like I can make a difference. After a long and hard deliberation, I chose the legal path that I'd like to go down and have stuck with my guns since. I have met many kind and helpful souls along the way, and as someone put it, one very powerful ally. I am very lucky to have so much support every step of the way, and to be working in an environment where I do not need to hide the fact that I am moving on soon.

Of course, no year is complete without a trip to somewhere, eh? Went to Fiji and back in the fall, and it was terrificlysuperblyfantabulouslysplendid! Gorgeous sun sea sand and a copious amount of love and laughter were the perfect recipe to make many wonderful memories. It was sheer bliss and relaxation, and just the break that I needed. I also went to Mildura and back, twice, and Canberra, for work. Nothing like a bit of sightseeing on a work trip!

I got my driver's licence! Yes I did, albeit not unpainstakingly. But the end result is that I can drive to the Yarra Valley and back all by myself! Woohoo!

The most important thing that happened to me this year, was falling in love with Boy. Completely unexpectedly and breathtakingly, he has showed me things I never knew I never knew and taught me things I never thought I could learn. And he spoils me silly...with flowers, bad jokes and all. Here's to more fun times and love and laughter ahead :)

So, what will you do in 2012? Whatever you choose to put your heart to, may it be an exciting and awe-inspiring year for you, with lots of music, love, laughter, dance and joy. May you have the courage to continue doing what you want to do, and to do the things you've always wanted to do. Happy New Year, everyone.

Take care.
I saw this on a friend's facebook page, and thought I'd share it with you.

Why COMPLICATE life?

Missing somebody? ..... Call
Wanna meet up? ..... Invite
Wanna be understood? ..... Explain
Have questions? ..... Ask
Don't like something? ..... Say it
Like something? ..... State it
Want something? ..... Ask for it
Love someone? ..... Tell it

Take care.

Thursday, 15 December 2011

The man

I put on my robes and looked around the vast space in the empty courtroom. A super courtroom, they called it. Everything was in order. I grabbed my pass, and walked towards the back door; the security door. Beep, the door opened. I looked down the corridor and saw one door propped open with a metal chair. I walked towards it.

I saw two uniformed men sitting insde the tiny room. Beside them, on the same bench, sat an old man. A little man. He was darker in colour. His eyes told stories of hardship and torture. They were kind and gentle, yet hardy. They were old. I indicated to the men that they could enter the courtroom.

Obligingly, the three men stood and followed my lead. I bowed my head, feeling so privileged for my robes and undeserving of my authority. I led them into the courtroom and showed them their seats - the guards in the public area; the old man at the bar table. I introduced the old man to his interpreter. They spoke a few words. The old man looked relieved to be able to communicate with someone in his own language. The old man was polite. And anxious. He looked around the courtroom and looked as though he was gazing upon the luxurious fittings. I knew better that he really was pondering upon his life and impending death.

Three knocks; the judge walked in. The case began. The emotions heightened. The voices got louder. The confusion got thicker. The tears in my eyes welled up.

The old man was wearing a blue windbreaker, a modest brown shirt and brown pants. He was a father. He was a husband. He looked destitute. He looked desperate. Not for riches or luxuries. But for his life.

Is that too much to ask for? For a chance of a life? For a chance to live in a place where one's life is not constantly dangling upon a high wire? For a chance of freedom? For a life free of violence and discrimination and torture? Is it really too much to offer when we claim ourselves to be a major international proponent of human rights and in particular, in relation to asylum seekers and refugees?

Tell me why is it that when we become more developed, we become more inhumane?

At the end of the case, he walked up to me and shook my hand. He gripped my hand and looked at me kindly, and said 'thank you'.

God bless.

Take care.

Saturday, 3 December 2011

When you pray, move your feet

I can't believe it's already December; three weeks till Christmas. How time flies. On the one hand, I can't wait for the holiday season; for that time to rest and rejuvenate, and reflect, upon the happenings of 2011. On the other hand, I don't want the year to end, because as much pain and tears as I've gone through, I don't want the good things to end. Not that they necesarily will, but when a new era beckons, change inevitably happens; and when change happens, sometimes it's for the better, sometimes it's for the worse.

For now, I've just got to hang in there and make the most of what I have and pray that things will work out for the best.

Hey, isn't there an African proverb that goes: 'When you pray, move your feet'?

Take care.

Ivory Tower

All hail the King; you're all the way on top
Step one, step two, we're not there yet
Step three, that's what I'm talkin' about
I see you in your little Ivory Tower

You read it in the documents
Fuck cunt shit all coated in formality
Herein wherein how-art-thou's
Nothing but a couple of idiots

Some things don't change, you say
Why do people do the things they do
The anger, the bitterness, the revenge
Built upon revenge upon revenge

You observe the trends of behaviour
Curse the atrociously transparent
Ponder upon the cunningly mysterious
Reprimand the impeccably childish

But outside of that, you become more
of a voyeur; the urge to want to know
Unlike curiosity, these are the symptoms
of sitting in the Ivory Tower from where you

judge.

Take care.

Sunday, 11 September 2011

R.I.P.

Dedicated to all the lives lost

In the intrinsic war that human beings have

Between their weaknesses and their inner souls

That plays out in the form of malice, greed, corruption, jealousy and pride.


11 September 2011.
It makes me SO angry sometimes. How unfair things are. How ridiculously skewed luck is. How some people get away with what they do. How frustratingly deceiving some people are. How little of a back bone I have to let them get to me the way they do. I HATE being so affected by these negative things that are so unworthy of even a flicker of my time. Yet I do.

But I remind myself that everything - everything - I do, is a choice. How I bought a house even though I didn't really want to. But I don't blame circumstances or any other factor. Circumstances were the way they were, and I made a choice to go down the path I did, instead of any other path. I neither lament nor blame anyone or anything for the decisions I've made, because I, and only I, made those choices. They were my conscious, informed choices and I know that no one could have forced me to do what I did not want to do.

It is this, that helps me plod on. The fact that I am responsible for my life and choices that I have made, and I am at peace with my decisions. And when strength becomes fragile, I lean on my dearest friends near and far, who give me the little nudge that I need and who are just there for me, through thick and thin, who understand my innermost thoughts. Who ask me to suck this shit up and harden the fuck up, even when it hurts.

Take care.

Saturday, 10 September 2011

Stripped down

I'm beginning to wonder whether I am incapable of being happy. After all that I preach to live by, sometimes I really do wonder. To love another wholeheartedly is to truly love oneself, to have the self worth to be able to love and be loved. And I mean, to truly love oneself for all your flaws and imperfections and defects in their totality. Because only you know yourself and only you know how flawed you really are. And to completely love oneself is to accept all these things, stripped down of any dressing or euphemism, from the bottom of your heart.

I don't think I can do that.

Take care.

Wednesday, 7 September 2011

In the car

Girl: So I told Kristopher that you were coming to fetch me home tonight. Guess what he said?
Boy: What did he say?
Girl: He said, 'why is he so stupid?' Hah, why are you so stupid?
Boy: Well, if being stupid means sending my girlfriend home at night, then I never want to be smart.

Take care.

Sunday, 4 September 2011

The wind rips through my damp hair; the sunshine beats down upon my face drawing out the coldness from my skin like a bongo's beat pulsating through my blood. The skies above are a pure blue, unfettered with neither cloud nor cotton. Beyond the blue, the light sparkles so brightly - twinkling so quickly it seems like it isn't - in a violet or an indigo or a blue or a green or a yellow or an orange or a red. Or a white.

In the wheels that spin round and round, I am falling. And I'm falling. Onto broken glass or the chorus that never ended. Into a heap and the mess that the long nights were; are. The lights go out and the rickety chairs topple over onto the hard tiles. The sun goes down and the fireworks shoot into the midnight blue. The needles they point at me in red, they mock me into an abyss of darkness. Ukuleles strum away in the background, as I wish to walk up and disappear.

So I sing. I sing myself into lethargy. And dreams - dreams that you dream for me; of me. With me. In dreams my feet won't hurt. In dreams I'd hold onto you, and never let you go. But only in my dreams.

Take care.

Monday, 1 August 2011

my insides are a whirlpool. sometimes i feel like i have the strength of the incredible hulk and the courage of a female dolphin. other times, i feel like the weakest premature baby surviving on synthetic warmth and the hope that tomorrow i'll be stronger.

why, oh why, can i not strike that balance anymore? :(

Saturday, 2 July 2011

spaces in between

the fiddler on the roof
the blinking child's lamp
the fabric that wrapped the scaffolding
oh oh oh
the bridge across winter waters
the lights on the waves
the hub dub of public conversation
oh oh oh
the sand that sank
the lonely park bench
the dust that surrounded us
oh oh oh

the pain from the things that could have been
buried in the pain from chances missed
the obtuse paranoia of what could be that is not
flow away with waters of the dark night

the dark knight

Thursday, 17 March 2011

like a fever, hot and
cold sweat breaking out
between hot flushes
like an addict, suffering from
withdrawal symptoms
cold turkey and lime
sit down now, be
still;
be still with me
we learn and let live
forgive me, i know
it in your touch
i feel it now
in your eyes
kind, cruel to be kind
i see it now
in your heart the
manifestation of
what could have been.

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

When I was a law student, I used to dream of returning to my homeland to make a difference to its political scene. To engage in ground-breaking reformation in its very, very flawed policies and play a part in broadening its approach to society to be more holistic and universal. To take on cases that could make a difference, however small, to fellow lives.

As the years went by, and by the time I became a lawyer, I'd almost taken a hundred and eight degree turn. I felt so disheartened and discouraged by the state of affairs back in that nation. I watched as political parties stabbed each other in the back, and found never-ending stories to badmouth the other as the public watched and cringed in disgust. I watched as countrymen and women left the country for further studies, and never returned, subsequently causing the worst brain drain of the creme de la creme away from the country. I watched as the most ludicrous laws were passed in Parliament that gave absolute power to those that held delegated power. It sickened me to the core how those who were elected to represent the electorate engaged in silly and childish battles in the guise of religious and cultural differences.

So, I chose to remain and not return home. Sure, on a few occasions, certain people and events have pulled at the strings of my heart. But for the most part, I'm glad at the choice that I have made, slowly building up on becoming the best person/lawyer that I can in this land of opportunities. I've learnt, slowly, that making a difference does not necessarily mean saving one from the death penalty nor protecting a child from an abusive parent. It means, simply, making a difference to one's life, regardless of how small. Because what may mean nothing to you, may mean the world to someone else. I've learnt, too, that to make a difference, one just needs to be the best they can be at what they choose to do.

Somehow, something is drawing me back... to something that is so familiar.

Take care.

Monday, 7 February 2011

My stomach churns
Fingers tremble and
Shoulders are stiff
Thoughts run amidst
Things have never been
So tough before
But I still smile
When you ask me
Of course, of course
I love you.

Take care.

Friday, 28 January 2011

This is it, it's finally happening.

I'm apprehensive, but oh, so excited for the roller-coaster ride of my life :) God speed.

Take care.

Thursday, 27 January 2011

Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.

- Christopher McCandless, Supertramp.
When you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you about the most excruciating experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.

- Brene Brown, social worker, researcher, storyteller; June 2010, Houston

Saturday, 15 January 2011

Saturday is cleaning day

...and naturally, I gravitate towards procrastination. Hoozah!

Well, the washing machine is going at full speed and the sun is beaming down on us after a week of heavy rain and flooding. Victoria - at least the country Wimmera region - is said to be braced for major flooding akin to contemporary Queensland floods, and metropolitan Victoria is also predicted to experience floods more severe than the March 2010 flash floods. All this rain and flood reminds me of home, where this is a common occurrence and part of daily life especially during the rainy seasons. It feels odd, though, that this is happening so soon after we've overcome our long period of drought. Just about a year ago, parts of Melbourne was faced with the threat of going into stage 3 water restrictions, and cars weren't allowed to be washed with a hose and gardens could only be watered on certain days. Oh mon dieu!

So, I used up my monthly quota of alcoholic 'beverages' last night, even though I had a headache and only drank one Little Creatures bright ale. To add to that, we got bounced out of a bar because of 'inappropriate' summer footwear. Still, it was so worth it; great company never fails to put a cheeky spin on anything even slightly negative, so it was a great evening out indeed! Now my quota for January is up, deym. Al, it and cb - I'm so proud of all you mad ones and I wish I were still there to watch you grow and celebrate your victories with you - congrats! Thank you for your endless encouragement and support :)

After having a revelation a few days ago about the next step in my career, I have commenced my research and seeking advice from different people. Notwithstanding that this area is actually not a recommended field for those who want to work in London, I realised that every step I've taken thus far is leading me towards this field. After browsing through the LIV website, I'm astounded, and indeed appalled, by the fact that out of the 40 accredited specialists in this field in the CBD, only 4 of them are women! Why is it such that in this day and age, where there are more female law graduates than their male counterparts, and where there are currently 3 out of 7 High Court judges who are female, women are still so incredibly under-represented so many areas of law? And I thought the Bar was bad enough, but at least they're actively taking steps to increase the number of female barristers. I have much work to do to scratch deeper than the surface to find out how/where I'm going to penetrate into this field, but I'm so excited for what lies ahead!

Meanwhile, the weather forecast for tomorrow is sunny and 27deg - perfect weather for the Federer, Nadal and friends' Rally for Reflief! Bring on the tennis baby!

Take care.

Tuesday, 11 January 2011

Migraine

Over the weekend that just passed, I was struck by my worst migraine attack thus far. I've been getting migraines all my life - some of my earliest memories are of me running to the toilet to throw up - so pain is not the new kid on the block. But this migraine, was like a dark, gigantine and most wicked monster from the ashes, complete with sharp fingernails and horrendously disgusting breath. And the most piercing bellow ever.

I woke up with the searing pain on the top right-side of my head. I knew immediately that the migraine was too advanced for any medication to take effect. After many, many hours of excruciating pain, the migraine then spread to the left-side of my head, where it proceeded to set its imprint on my already sore brain. I felt bed-ridden and nearly paralysed. Every beam of light coming from beneath the curtains was torturous. The heat was playing games with me whereby one moment it would be baking hot and another, freezing cold. I used my pillow to cover my head in futile attempt to soothe the pain. I kept thinking good thoughts and happy moments, and listed a few of my favourite things. But before long, I resorted to hitting my head where the migraine seemed to be coming from, hoping that the pain emanating from the hitting would hurt more than the slicing knife that was the migraine. The thought of self-harm came so naturally, and with no ill-intent whatsoever of, well, self-harm. The monster was just too overbearing.

This continued throughout the rest of the day whilst I battled to practise mind over matter. Pain is, after all, just a conjuration of the mind, isn't it? I only realised the impact that the migraine had on my body when I got up to make a cup of Milo in the evening, which took me a good hour as every simple act was interrupted by a ten-minute rest with my head on the table. I could not even finish the drink.

Luckily, by divine intervention or otherwise, the migraine subsided by the next day. Needless to say, there was a bad lingering headache which threatened to convert into a migraine numerous times, but at least the worst was over.

I guess that having lived with migraines all my life, I'm not surprised when it strikes. The pain, however, only gets worse, and I suspect, will only get worse in time to come. I know someone who has lived with migraines all her life, and hers could last up to a week. But I live each day thankful that migraines are not a sickness nor an illness nor a deformity, but mere pain which, with hibernation, will go away.

Take care.

Badabing!

You should have maybe one day a month when you let the abstinence rule sit at home in a lead box. Or give yourself 12 days per year and accumulate. Badabing!

I pissed myself laughing at this. Sounds like a plan indeed. Thank you :)

Take care.

Thursday, 6 January 2011

Case 123456

One

Ten o'clock. She hurried back from the courtroom to the little office they had at the court. Navigating her way to her desk space, the senior said to her in passing, 'A, when you have a minute, I need to speak to you.' She acknowledged, and continued back to her files, where two other clients were waiting for her.

She asked which client was for the case with the baby with withdrawal symptoms. One protective worker stepped forward, and handed her a pile of documents, explaining that they were medical records from the event at the hospital the previous night. She'd only managed to get them faxed over this morning, hence the delayed submission. That's fine, she said, give me a brief synopsis of what has happened since the last occasion. Her client began, only to be interrupted by the blaring overhead paging system. 'Ms Smith, Ms Smith, to Courtroom 2, please. Ms Smith, to Courtroom 2.'

She sought momentary solace in that moment between the end of the page and when the loud lawyer-client conversations commenced again in the tiny office. She took a deep breath and readied herself for the information that her client was going to give her.

They hadn't gotten far before they were interrupted again. 'A, I need to speak to you now,' a voice yelled over everybody else's in the room. She excused herself and approached the senior.

'I'm giving you a new case. An child who was found absconding last night. Alcohol and drug abuse. No violence. Here's the file.' A near-empty file was handed to her.
'Alright, I've got my hands full now, but I'll get to it,' she replied.
'Your client will be here in a while.'
'Great, thanks.'
'Oh, and, your client is not the delegated worker, she's just a fill-in.'
'Even better, thanks.'


Two

It was noon. She knew more or less how her four other cases were going to pan out. It was time to deal with the new matter. She opened the file and skimmed the initial documents, completed in messy handwriting that only suggested urgency and duty. Twelve-year-old. Found outside a shopping centre with a group of older adults. Alcohol. Marijuana. Family history of protective concerns. She needed more instructions.

She stood from her chair and walked towards the microphone to page the client for that case. After the page, she approached the Legal Aid counter to ask which lawyers have been appointed to the case. The boy was going to be represented. The boy's father was at court in the morning, but he'd left. His mother was a no-show.

Back in the office, she found her client waiting for her. What are we seeking, what does the boy want, and what happened last night in chronological order - go.

We want him in boys' secure welfare. For three weeks. We need a psychological assessment of him. He just can't stay at one place for long enough. He has been in out of home care. He hates it and keps absconding. We're trying to hard to accomodate his wishes, but he's not happy. The first one had occupants who were too young. The second one was too far from his friends. The third one was too strict. Alcohol and drug abuse. Streetworks has spotted him on several occasions late at night, and sent him home. His father is an alcoholic. His mother is a severe alcoholic. Constantly puts himself at risk of harm. He carries knives on him wherever he goes. Puts his friends at risk of harm, too. Anger management problem.

She listened intently, whilst flipping through the few pages of allegations. The few police records told of his responses to police interventions over the past few weeks. On the last occasion, the boy turned himself in when he saw the police. He was cooperative and undemanding. No sign of violence or aggression. Quite the contrary, he exhibited curiosity. What's the difference between jail and remand? What does it mean when someone is on bail? 'Potential' was the word the police used.

Shutting the file, she turned to her client and asked what the bottomline of the negotiation would be. They weren't backing down. They needed three weeks for the psychological assessment. And they needed to be sure that the boy would be there to attend upon appointments.

All this little boy needs is a safe home, she thought to herself.


Three

She paged for the boy's lawyer. He approached her with a wry smile on his face, and asked her what she wanted.

Twelve year old boy. We want three weeks in secure welfare. Psychological assessment.
He doesn't want to go to secure welfare. What other out of home cares are available?
We want three weeks secure welfare. He keeps absconding. We've tried to accomodate his preferences three times. We don't know where else to place him.
No way on my instructions, I'll fight you on this. He hasn't done anything wrong. Why do you want three weeks anyway?
Psychological assessment. Boy shows signs of mental instability. We're not sure how soon we can get the assessment completed.
He wants to go home to his father.
He needs some form of stability in his life, and we need to find out what's wrong.
There's nothing wrong. He's just into alcohol and drugs. Are we fighting this or are you going to give me what I want?
It's a fight, see you in court after lunch, I'll be ready to go.

It was a quarter to one. She took out the banana from her bag and started to prepare for the submission contest.


Four

Two o'clock. She took the Magistrate through the facts of the case. Her opponent highlighted different facts of the case that supported the other side's story. She rebutted. The Magistrate then asked questions of both sides.

From the front row of the public arena, the boy slouched solemnly. Quietly. Almost remorsefully. On a few occasions, his lawyer turned back to ask him a question. Yes, he did. No, he didn't. All the time, he held his head bowed down. She couldn't help but think what a bright boy he was and how he could possibly have a bright future. He wanted to be a social worker. In the alternative, he wanted to be a policeman. He wanted to help people in his position.

But he just needed to know how to help himself.


Five

The courtroom began to get heated. The boy's blood was boiling when an allegation was made of last night's incident. I didn't do it, they fuckin know I didn't do it!

Your Honour, the police report highlights that he did do it, and that there were several witnesses around to corroborate this.

Fuck this shit, I don't want to go home anymore. You're all liars - big fuckin liars!

The boy's lawyer turned back to calm his client down, attempting to reason with him quietly. The social worker sat close to him, and explained what they had spoke about before.

Her fingers twitched at the bar table. She looked down at her notes, and up at the Magistrate, who was showing a slight indication of which way the ruling would be.

Fuck this. I'll go to fuckin secure if I have to, I'm not going home anymore.

The silence in the courtroom was deafening. The Magistrate questioned the boy's lawyer with his eyes.

Your Honour, my client has just changed his instructions. Perhaps the matter could be stood down for some negotiations on the length of time and conditions.

Yes, came the somber response.

All stand please; the third division of the Court is now temporarily adjourned.


Six

The negotations didn't last too long. Frantic phone calls were made. The ruling was even quicker. Three weeks in secure welfare, and a psychological assessment. Liberty to the parents to set aside. Total abstinence.

When the matter was finalised, she gathered her papers on the bar table quickly and made her way out of the courtroom. The boy's anger had escalated. As soon as he stepped out of the courtroom, he shrieked at the top of his lungs and it echoed through the long corridor of the Court. He grabbed the black cylindrical rubbish bin outside the courtroom with both hands and threw it across to the seating area, cursing out vulgarities as he did so. There were only a few spectators, at that time of the day. The social worker approached him caringly, asking him to calm down. He continued to swear, and punched the air aggressively. The social worker, possibly one third of his size, spoke to him calmly, quietly, urging him to calm down.

He dropped to the ground, and starting sobbing uncontrollably. Fists still curled up in a ball. Like a giant teddy bear, he hugged the social worker, not realising that he was nearly crushing her. He yelled out again, and again, each time decreasing in volume. There, there, everything will be ok, everything will be ok.

The two police escorts who'd just arrived at the Court came running up the stairs towards the scene. The social worker assured them that everything was ok, and requested that they escorted him to the boys' secure welfare.

She rushed upstairs to the registry to request for a typed out version of the orders that were made. They were handed to her, fresh from the printer. Three copies - one for the police, one for her and one for the boy's lawyer. She hurried back downstairs and handed the police officer a copy.

The social worker helped the boy to his feet. He wiped his tears from his face with the back of his hand. Head down, he followed the police officers downstairs, and into their car.


Take care.

Changeover

She glanced at the clock, conscious that time was coming up. Four fifty-five. It was later than she'd thought. Hurriedly, she gathered the children's belongings and placed them in their respective bags. She called out to the children who were still engrossed with the afternoon cartoon on TV. Hurry along now, kids, it's nearly time. Reluctantly, the eldest girl pushed the red button on the remote. The television blacked out with an abrupt click of static electricity. She stood up and rounded up her younger siblings - Ron, 7; Becky, 5 and Sam, 3. Taking Becky and Sam by their hands, she led them through the hallway whilst Ron followed closely behind.

This was the hardest part, when they had to part with their mother. They had to do it every week, but it never got any easier. In fact, she thought that it got more and more difficult as time went by, as her siblings were growing up fast and always asked her why they had to say goodbye so many times. But, at 9, she had figured out a way to make things easier. She thought of her own room in their father's house, and of her big, comfortable bed with all her teddy bears and Sesame Street friends. Not of her stepmother, no, because that only made it worse.

Their mother hugged and kissed the children, tears welling up in her eyes. Goodbye, my loves, I'll see you next week. Be good, and listen to your sister and your father. Mummy loves you very much. She opened the front door and the children filed outside, dragging their feet reluctantly. She looked up and saw their father standing by his car. He was always on time, she reminisced. She could always count on him that way.

Daddy, daddy, can we stay a while longer? We want to watch our cartoons!

Her heart broke into a thousand pieces, once again. No, children, you have to go home now, ok? Dinner is waiting for your at home.

But we want to stay with you, Mummy. Ron and Becky were clinging onto her with a force so gentle that she knew they were saying it with such futility.

She ushered them into the car, trying her hardest not to let them see how torn she was. To their father, she said, 'The communication book is in Ron's bag. Sammy needs to take her meds at 6pm, please don't forget. Becky's gastro is getting better, but please keep an eye out for her, especially at night, ok? Oh, and they didn't get a chance to watch Oliver Twist this weekend, so I bought the DVD and put it into Ron's bag just in case they wanted to watch it during the week.'

'Thanks, Al. I'll bring them back on Friday night. Bye.'

He checked that the doors were all shut, before he stepped into the driver's seat. 'Say goodbye to Mummy now, kids.'

Bye, Mum. I love you, Mum.

Their eldest daughter stared straight ahead, eyes fixated on the road. She bit her lip and clutched at her seatbelt with all her might, refusing to allow the tears to come out.


Take care.
N: So, what is your new year's resolution?
A: (with much gusto) Total alcohol abstinence!
N & D: Total??? Really??? For how long?
A: Why, a year!
N & D: HAHAHA!
[Pensive pause]
N: Why don't you open your present now.
[A opens present to reveal a bottle of authentic hand-made ouzo and two little porcelain shotties]
D: Facepalm! Good luck with your resolution!
A: Alright, alright, maybe not total abstinence... And maybe not for a year...
N: You might want to try a week of non-accidental abstinence and let me know how you go, before you even attempt it for a month! But a year? Pffft!
A: That's great guys, doubt me more and I'll try even harder to prove you wrong.
N & D: We know you too well, sweetie.

Take care.

Society - Eddie Vedder

Oh it's a mystery to me
We have a greed, with which we have agreed
And you think you have to want more than you need
Until you have it all, you won't be free

Society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me

When you want more than you have, you think you need
And when you think more than you want, your thoughts begin to bleed
I think I need to find a bigger place
'Cause when you have more than you think, you need more space

Society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me
Society, crazy indeed
I hope you're not lonely without me

There's those thinking more or less, less is more
But if less is more, how're you keeping score?
It means for every point you make, your level drops
Kinda like you're starting from the top
And you can't do that

Society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me
Society, crazy indeed
I hope you're not lonely without me
Society, have mercy on me
I hope you're not angry if I disagree
Society, crazy indeed
I hope you're not lonely
Without me.

- from the motion picture, Into the Wild

Take care.

Wednesday, 5 January 2011

You make me want to be a better person, is possibly the highest compliment that one can give and receive.

Thank you.

Take care.
Waking up in tears
Tears of fear
Fear of pain
Pain of anticipation
That time is moving
Quicker than expected
That time is running
Out quicker than expected
Like the oceans that rise
Half a millimetre every year
Like the roads that would
Eventually
Sink.

Sunday, 2 January 2011

Happy New Year!

To everyone out there, may you have the happiest new year filled with many pleasant surprises! May 2011 have in store for you an abundance of love, good health, peace, joy and prosperity!

2010 has indeed been an year filled with awesomeness - dotted with plenty of ups and downs, decorated with friendships old and new, and highlighted with travel stories from near and far. I'm happy that I've managed to accomplish the four things that I'd resolved to do at the beginning of the year, which makes me so much more optimistic about making new year's resolutions! Not quite sure how I did it, but suffice to say that when I fell asleep on the floor at my brother's place yesterday, my friend asked me, upon my awakening, if I used any eye shadow. Apparently my eyes have become so dark that I now look like I've got eye make up on. Go figure.

2011 will be an even more exciting and adventurous year, with so many open-ended choices and decisions to make. Come what may, the world is my scallop, as I'll have it, and hopefully I'll come out at the other side in one piece. With this, I'll leave you with part of a poem that means a lot to me:

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
(originally Anon)

Take care.