Inspiration

Do you have something that makes you jump out of bed every morning?

Do you have something that you can call your own, be it a calling, a job or a hobby?

I've come to the realisation that there's not much that is worse than the feeling of being a firecracker but with no fire.  A battery without electricity passing through it.  So much potential, but not used.  Unused, misused abused.  Everyday I feared crossing this bridge where I would have to conquer feelings of such misdirection, but now I have arrived this much feared low.  As one would expect, it is an excruciatingly horrible and painful feeling.  It's not tangible and there may not be a cause nor a solution.

So I live, and I continue living.  I live feeling grateful for the blessings in my life, and I live knowing that I am still loved despite my shortcomings and my very low, lows.  I live for the force that brought me onto this earth and that pumped breath into my being.

I will keep trying to fight this battle and pray that one day I will realise what it is that will make me bounce out of the covers every morning and live the life I want to live.

Take care.

Someone asked me yesterday - in the context of speaking about London and the grand plans I had - what I was still doing in Melbourne and why I wasn't in London. I swallowed hard and told him how difficult it was. And how that plan was slowly fading away. He asked me what was so difficult. I replied, I had not realised how tough things could get when I took a pay cut and a mortgage on at almost the same time. But you're still surviving, he challenged.

Barely, I replied. Barely.

He challenged me again, and said, but the point is that you are surviving. You thought it was difficult, but you're here and you're surviving. You always think it's too difficult until you do it, and then you realise that it's not actually that difficult after all.

It made me think hard. I wonder why we, and especially I, don't push ourselves hard enough. Our human bodies, for example, are built for extraordinary things. People train to do marathons and climb mountains and meditate. Heck, women give birth to twins or triplets and recover mercifully quickly. Why don't get off our arses and do some exercise especially when we're blessed with able bodies? Why do we settle with defeat just because it's the easier thing to do?

So this is to us and everyone out there - let's make this our year; so let's conquer our inhibitions and let's achieve the things that would make us happy.

And why not start by filling our lives with lots of kisses.

Take care.

2011-2012

How has your 2011 been? Hopefully incredibly productive, reflective and full of laughter and love.

Upon recounting my year off the cuff last night, I realised that 2011 has, indeed, been a big year for me. For starters, there were changes in my household and my house is completely full now! Yes, that means the full sofa set is in and so is the piano; and my room is full to the brim and looking more and more like a cosy pen. The garden is buzzing with life as the fruit trees have been planted and the vegie patch organised. The rose garden is in full bloom and ye olde English lavender plant has been resuscitated with a lot of tender loving care.

Career-wise, I fell in love with my job and fell out of love with it. In the sense that I am now wanting more, more more. It's no longer challenging and I no longer feel like I can make a difference. After a long and hard deliberation, I chose the legal path that I'd like to go down and have stuck with my guns since. I have met many kind and helpful souls along the way, and as someone put it, one very powerful ally. I am very lucky to have so much support every step of the way, and to be working in an environment where I do not need to hide the fact that I am moving on soon.

Of course, no year is complete without a trip to somewhere, eh? Went to Fiji and back in the fall, and it was terrificlysuperblyfantabulouslysplendid! Gorgeous sun sea sand and a copious amount of love and laughter were the perfect recipe to make many wonderful memories. It was sheer bliss and relaxation, and just the break that I needed. I also went to Mildura and back, twice, and Canberra, for work. Nothing like a bit of sightseeing on a work trip!

I got my driver's licence! Yes I did, albeit not unpainstakingly. But the end result is that I can drive to the Yarra Valley and back all by myself! Woohoo!

The most important thing that happened to me this year, was falling in love with Boy. Completely unexpectedly and breathtakingly, he has showed me things I never knew I never knew and taught me things I never thought I could learn. And he spoils me silly...with flowers, bad jokes and all. Here's to more fun times and love and laughter ahead :)

So, what will you do in 2012? Whatever you choose to put your heart to, may it be an exciting and awe-inspiring year for you, with lots of music, love, laughter, dance and joy. May you have the courage to continue doing what you want to do, and to do the things you've always wanted to do. Happy New Year, everyone.

Take care.

I saw this on a friend's facebook page, and thought I'd share it with you.

Why COMPLICATE life?

Missing somebody? ..... Call

Wanna meet up? ..... Invite

Wanna be understood? ..... Explain

Have questions? ..... Ask

Don't like something? ..... Say it

Like something? ..... State it

Want something? ..... Ask for it

Love someone? ..... Tell it

Take care.

The man

I put on my robes and looked around the vast space in the empty courtroom. A super courtroom, they called it. Everything was in order. I grabbed my pass, and walked towards the back door; the security door. Beep, the door opened. I looked down the corridor and saw one door propped open with a metal chair. I walked towards it.

I saw two uniformed men sitting insde the tiny room. Beside them, on the same bench, sat an old man. A little man. He was darker in colour. His eyes told stories of hardship and torture. They were kind and gentle, yet hardy. They were old. I indicated to the men that they could enter the courtroom.

Obligingly, the three men stood and followed my lead. I bowed my head, feeling so privileged for my robes and undeserving of my authority. I led them into the courtroom and showed them their seats - the guards in the public area; the old man at the bar table. I introduced the old man to his interpreter. They spoke a few words. The old man looked relieved to be able to communicate with someone in his own language. The old man was polite. And anxious. He looked around the courtroom and looked as though he was gazing upon the luxurious fittings. I knew better that he really was pondering upon his life and impending death.

Three knocks; the judge walked in. The case began. The emotions heightened. The voices got louder. The confusion got thicker. The tears in my eyes welled up.

The old man was wearing a blue windbreaker, a modest brown shirt and brown pants. He was a father. He was a husband. He looked destitute. He looked desperate. Not for riches or luxuries. But for his life.

Is that too much to ask for? For a chance of a life? For a chance to live in a place where one's life is not constantly dangling upon a high wire? For a chance of freedom? For a life free of violence and discrimination and torture? Is it really too much to offer when we claim ourselves to be a major international proponent of human rights and in particular, in relation to asylum seekers and refugees?

Tell me why is it that when we become more developed, we become more inhumane?

At the end of the case, he walked up to me and shook my hand. He gripped my hand and looked at me kindly, and said 'thank you'.

God bless.

Take care.

When you pray, move your feet

I can't believe it's already December; three weeks till Christmas. How time flies. On the one hand, I can't wait for the holiday season; for that time to rest and rejuvenate, and reflect, upon the happenings of 2011. On the other hand, I don't want the year to end, because as much pain and tears as I've gone through, I don't want the good things to end. Not that they necesarily will, but when a new era beckons, change inevitably happens; and when change happens, sometimes it's for the better, sometimes it's for the worse.

For now, I've just got to hang in there and make the most of what I have and pray that things will work out for the best.

Hey, isn't there an African proverb that goes: 'When you pray, move your feet'?

Take care.

Ivory Tower

All hail the King; you're all the way on top
Step one, step two, we're not there yet
Step three, that's what I'm talkin' about
I see you in your little Ivory Tower

You read it in the documents
Fuck cunt shit all coated in formality
Herein wherein how-art-thou's
Nothing but a couple of idiots

Some things don't change, you say
Why do people do the things they do
The anger, the bitterness, the revenge
Built upon revenge upon revenge

You observe the trends of behaviour
Curse the atrociously transparent
Ponder upon the cunningly mysterious
Reprimand the impeccably childish

But outside of that, you become more
of a voyeur; the urge to want to know
Unlike curiosity, these are the symptoms
of sitting in the Ivory Tower from where you

judge.

Take care.